Destiny weaves on its own and I cannot do anything to change its end. The clock ticks the same, the days are still as long, our lives unravel on their own course. What wouldn’t I give to have a time machine and turn around our destinies.
I am defeated December 2, 2007
I am defeated. When things go wrong, they always go wrong in a sequence – my family is going through an emotional downturn, my life is in shambles, my friendships are threading in shallow waters. I feel I’m loosing everything. I’m sorry for all that I’ve done. I’m really sorry.
When was the last time I thought about life December 2, 2007
Every year when Christmas rolls around, I get wistful. Bob Carlisle’s Christmas Shoes plays in my Itunes, and I wonder why it takes this time of the year to force me to reflect on life. I haven’t sat down to think about my future and about my past for a long time. My last journal entries have been plagued with confusion. I have been concentrating on the present for so long that I’ve neglected important things and people in my life.
I think what prompted this path was my attendance to my friend’s church last night. My friend Amanda was part of a play that was a symbolic representation of a person’s connection with God, and the obstacles that people have to overcome in order to find the path back to faith.
I realized that despite my acknowledgment of Buddhism in my life, I never took time to discover the spiritual meaning of Buddha’s teachings. I don’t even know if I’m even Buddhist, or if I’m agnostic. This confusion has led me to question a lot in my life and about my spiritual path. Do I need spirituality in my life? What is my connection to faith? I don’t believe in a higher power because I’m too focused on the logical and tangible in life. But then I acknowledge the need to believe in a force beyond consciousness so to mitigate the despair of being alone in an empty universe. Can I believe in such a force?
