I came back to L.A. from Japan. And after two years of having lived a life that, in conclusion, was a dream, I am encountering a million questions about my path in life and about what will become of me.
I thought it would be nice make my top 20 list of the things that I have missed from Japan, as a reminder of why I loved that country so much, before I delve into deeper tasks. Former JETs and expatriates can agree on me with this list (or not):
- Superb customer service
- Cheap sushi and sashimi
- My friends
- Onsen (hot springs)
- 500-yen coins
- Hirayama-sensei, Sakamoto-sensei, Uno-sensei, Naito-sensei, Tanaka-sensei, Endo-sensei, Uchida-sensei, Kitta-sensei, Gomi-sensei
- Gothic Lolitas
- Beautiful and mysterious bentos (lunchboxes)
- Cherry blossom season
- Festivals
- Summer fireworks
- Public transportation in Tokyo
- 100-yen shops
- Five-toed socks in cute colors and designs
- Realiable email capability in my phone
- Random free taiko/ikebana/tea ceremony/other Japanese cultural exhibition in town
- School Sports Day
- School Culture Festivals
- Taking your shoes off before getting into the house
- Million-flavored Chu-Hi and Ume-shu (Japanese alcohol)
And even though it’s only been three weeks since I left, it feels like a year already. The people that I left behind will change and I will change. The people that I come back have changed. Despite that, I am blessed to have them in my life because they, despite the differences, have made their best to help me adjust.
This week I started my classes for the Postsecondary Administration and Student Affairs Program at the Rossier School of Education at USC. Being a graduate student at my alma mater is the same as being an undergraduate, yet also different. I am familiar with the campus and with the services, but I am not familiar with the people. I have to readjust to my new role and maybe I am not ready to become a graduate student. It doesn’t help when people come up to you during Involvement Fair and ask you if you are a freshman (LOOK AT ME! I AM GRAD STUDENT! I CAN BE YOUR TEACHING ASSISTANT! I CAN GIVE YOU AN F!).
Up until last week, I was still in vacation mode. I traveled to three countries in the span of two months and that gave me permission to destress and to install a neon sign in my forehead, blinking “OUT” intermittently. And it was during my trip to BC that I saw many issues surfacing. I was avoiding them because I knew they would come and haunt me later. I was being the procrastinator before and trying vehemently to ignore them. But it was in Vancouver that I faced problems that I had clearly avoided – friendships, feelings, spirituality, family, goals.
Before I went to Canada, I went with a clear head. A bit scattered in terms of organization, but nevertheless focused. I came back to L.A. muddled. I can’t coherently explain what happened that made me falter. It felt like I was going for answers but came back with more questions.
The only thing certain in my path now are my studies and my work. It’s not hard to navigate those out, but when I need to find focus in my relationships, I can’t. I thought I had something but in the end, it was wishful thinking. I will miss it.
超人Superman by Mayday
為什麼拯救地球 是那麼容易
為什麼束手無策啊 我和你的愛情
為什麼我能飛天 也能夠遁地
為什麼我卻沒辦法 長驅直入你的心
Why is saving the world so easy
Why do I feel so helpless when it comes to our love
Why can I fly to the heavens, and can flee the earth,
But why is there no way for me to drive deep into your heart
